Turkmenistan - Aces for Aşgabat

Enjoy your time in the UAE? Me too.

Ok, let's tune into Turkmenistan today!

it's there, in the red.

Ok, first off, Turkmenistan is home to "THE DOOR TO HELL"!!! Forty years ago, some geologists were drilling and accidentally hit an underground cavern of natural gas. The rig fell in, and to avoid poisonous gas discharge, they lit the sucker up and it's been burning ever since. It's just a giant, flaming pit. You should look it up. No, seriously, you've got to see this.

yup, those are people standing on the edge.

Ok, let's talk about Saparmurat Niyazov, the recently deceased, bat-shit crazy "President for Life" that ruled from 1990-2006. He was one of the world's most kleptocratic, repressive, totalitarian dictators, and is thought to have squirreled away about 3 billion dollars. Yes, billion. Woah. 

He also did hilariously egotistical things like renaming the months after his family members and changing the word for bread to his mother's name. Plus, there was a meteorite involved. He named it after himself. He had tons of statues erected of himself, some of them solid gold! There's a giant, 40 foot tall, gold plated one in the capital city of Aşgabat that rotates to follow the path of the sun. They've moved it since he died, but it's still around. He also shut down all hospitals outside the capitol, reasoning that the sick could just come to Aşgabat. Plus, he shut all of the libraries outside the capitol as well saying that rural people don't read and if they do the Qu'ran and his book, Ruhnama, were the only books they needed. His book is required reading for everyone in Turkmenistan, and during his reign, it was the primary textbook used in schools.

wonder if he ever considered becoming a Solid Gold dancer?

Let's see... what else? Ah, yes! The ice palace! So Turkmenistan is 80% desert, and befitting that climate, Niyazov requested that an ice palace be built near the capital to celebrate his reign. What the fuck? It was never built, but still. He also had a giant cyprus forest planted in an attempt to change the desert climate. When he quit smoking, he banned smoking in public places, as well as chewing tobacco. He also outlawed gold teeth, suggesting that people should chew on bones to strengthen their teeth as he saw dogs do when he was younger. He also banned lip-synching, car radios, beards, and recorded music at weddings (probably for the best).

This has nothing to do with their crazy president. We just really dig this.

He also made the country fiercely insular, enacting a foreign policy of neutrality and limiting emigration. He even shortened compulsory education by a year so that students could not qualify to study abroad. What a dick.

So he's dead now, but criticism of Niyazov is still considered treason and is punishable by prison, sending you to a mental institution or exile. The new president, Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov, is slowly dismantling Niyazov's cult of personality and is building relations with the West, but it takes time y'all. Berdymukhammedov is a former dentist; we wonder what he has to say about the crewing on bones theory...

not Hilary's best photo, but what a nice flower arrangement.

Pinky had a bitch of a time finding a viable streaming radio station for this country, but we guess that could be expected with a country of 5 million that only has 75,000 internet users. This one is actually a series of playlists, and they're pretty good. You can choose from the mix, folk music and rap. And, they're updated daily! Enjoy!

TM Hits Radio

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Whew - they sure are prolific folks.

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