Solomon Islands - Sunbathing Here We Come!

How'd you like that Chadian re-broadcast? Pretty good, eh? Ellen spent a lot of the day switching between the four channels trying to find the most ridiculous music or talk. It seemed to be a four-way tie.

OK, let's pack our bags full of sunblock and snorkel gear and head over to Oceania and tune in to the Solomon Islands-ish! It's Friday, so let's make this one last the weekend!

pardon the fuzziness... but we had to blow it up to make it relevant.

Full disclosure, this station isn't actually out of the Solomon Islands. It was made by some lady that grew up there and writes cliché poetry about it. Here's a stanza just to give you a taste:

Now the waves on the shore

Don't seem the same any more

Their stories full of grief

Are filled with a warning

About global warming and its consequences

For our people on the reef.

Wow. Annnnnnny way...

 Folks have been on the Solomon Islands since about 30,000 BCE. Wow! Imagine being a primitive human crossing all that water on just a canoe. Dang... mad props. The Europeans showed up in the mid-1500's with a Spanish crew sailing out of Peru, but the British eventually ended up in control.

warriors from the 1890's

Before Europeans brought Christianity and colonization, the indigenous population was notorious for headhunting and cannibalism. Independence came along in 1970, but a civil war erupted in the late 90's, and tensions have sporadically fired up since then.

Today, we remember the Solomon Islands mainly as a hot-spot of WWII. The battle of Guadalcanal took place there, as well as JFK's infamous torpedo boat war heroics. We hear he kept that coconut paperweight.

mmmhmm. that is one handsome dead president.

We recognize that we didn't have a lot to say about the Solomon Islands, but give us a break. It's Friday and y'all probably have better things to than sit back and relax on the beaches of the South Pacific. Hope to see you there!

Pacific Islands Radio

.

Chad - Dreaming of نجامينا

Before you say anything, you're welcome for that Costa Rican station. It was awesome! That's two great stations in a row. Let's see if we can make it three...

It's Thursday and it's already been a hateful long week. We think we're in the mood for African music. So, back to the continent we go! Y'all want to tune in to Chad?

even resembles an anatomical heart...

A landlocked country with a mainly harsh desert climate, Chad's apparently been stuck with the unfortunate moniker of The Dead Heart of Africa. Doesn't exactly have the same ring as The Sunshine State.

well, it is kind of stark...

Chad is a veritable Tower of Babel with all the languages spoken there. There are over 200 ethnic groups in a population of just 10 million folks, and over 100 languages are spoken among them! We suppose that's the result of arbitrarily drawn colonial borders and unrepresentative statehood. You're begging for problems with that mix and Chad has seen plenty of them. For example, in 2008, they built a moat around their capital to protect them from rebels! That should give you a good idea of the political discourse. And, while we're on it, who the fuck builds a moat anymore?! (editors note: not enough people, in my opinion)

we can't find a picture of the moat (trust us, we're crushed, too). but here is a little glimpse of life in the capital

So, from what we can parse out, Chad is one of the poorest and most corrupt nations in the world. About 80% of the population lives on less than a dollar a day farming in a land plagued with drought and the occasional locust horde (what up biblical prophecies). Oil and cotton are the main exports and are used to fund the corrupt government, helping them fend off the various rebel groups.

omg. barf.

Chad is surrounded by nations with desperate economies, authoritarian rulers, or roiling civil wars and internal conflicts. Needless to say that these peripheral conflicts often spill over the border. Hundreds of thousands of Darfur refugees are still in Chad, and there are warnings that a genocide may yet occur within their own borders. With increasing water scarcity (look what's happened to Lake Chad!), conflicts are bound to only increase.

one of the many darfur refugee camps in chad

Though the situation seems dire there, We're sure there's a lot to love about Chad. As is true in most places, only the bad stuff get's reported.

So, let's tune in and see what amazing things we can discover about Chad. There are only about a dozen radio stations in Chad. Some of those stations are rebroadcast from international stations, and that is the case here. We'll be tuning into Africa N1 out of Paris again - but boy is it a good one!

Africa N1

Listen Here

you have to press the play button

.

Costa Rica - Sizzling San Jose

Hoooo boy that Austrian station was GREAT, huh? There is a slight possibility that Ellen will never leave. 

So, are you doing anything right now? Just putting pop tarts in the microwave with the wrapper on just to see the blue lightening and stink up the cafeteria? Quit being a douchbag, dude. Why don't you come listen to Costa Rican radio, instead. Pinky picked this station for the super gimmicky but totally fun web radio player thing, plus the music's pretty good.

Are you planning on finding a new lover in Costa Rica? Apparently sweethearts call each other their media naranja which translates to "the other half of their orange". That's a nice thing to say to someone! Some close friends of ours call each other that.

orange you in love?

If you die there (or wen you die there), they bury you pretty much the day it happens. You can get embalmed, but it's really pricey. When someone dies, their close family and friends are called, and then they call the TV stations. A few times a day the TV stations cut into the broadcasts with soft music and scroll brief obituaries across the bottom of the screen. Everyone watches to see if they know anyone, and that's how you find out when folks die. Wild, huh? Imagine that you're sitting there, watching your soap opera, and suddenly you find  out by scrolling obit that your ex died. That's way better than anything Days of Our Lives can throw at you.

when Ellen googled "costa rican death announcements television," this is what came up. and who are we to argue with google? we love your creepy flesh colored beard, spencer!!

Perhaps your ex died from bullfighting. Although bullfighting is still practiced in Costa Rica, the bull itself is rarely killed. They let a bunch of dudes into the ring and they fuck with the bull, pulling its tail and swatting his balls and all the other asshole things rodeo folks do to piss them off. At least they make sure that you're sober. They recently stopped letting the drunks do it. Gorings are still a regular occurrence, so at least the bull gets to win sometimes. Plus they get to go home at the end of the day and don't have some dude slicing their spinal cord. It's really a win-win situation.

what was that rule about drunks?

Ecotourism, canopy tours, blah blah blah, we've all heard about it and are jealous of everyone who's been.

So, grab your shades, sun block, long board and throw away your watch and let's head on to the capital, San Jose! We hope you enjoy the music!

911 la Radio

Listen Here

don't get car sick watching that record spin...

.

Austria - Glorious Graz!

How'd you like Liberia? It was pretty good and way upbeat! If it weren't for that one repetitive commercial, it would be one of our favorites.

Today let's tune in to Austria!

zere in ze dark green.

"Put another shrimp on the barbie, eh?" God, Pinky's seen Dumb and Dumber too many times. Kinda wish he could wipe it from his memory at this point. And, just to prove we're not total idiota, here is an audio clip to clear things up:

(Link) View more Lisa Stothard Sound Clips and Lloyd Christmas Sound Clips

Pinky whipped through Austria for a minute about 10 years ago. He doesn't really remember much about it beyond the incredible landscape and walking down a beautiful street with a bunch of cafes. He randomly picked one and tried to decipher the menu and was pleasantly surprised to find out that, as an English speaker, he could figure out a lot of it. Yay for Germanic languages! Pinky ended up getting a bratwurst or hot dog or some kind of meat stuffed into a casing. He was 16, y'all. Shut up. He saw his first Unimog there too. Needless to say, his mind was totally blown. 

what is it doing?!

Our friend Kesi had a more recent experience in Austria. You should read about it. She's kind of amazing.

OK, let's make a deal and not get into all the history that we so easily could. We all read about it in high school world history. You remember... the Hapsburgs and the treaties among creaking monarchies that dragged Europe into WWI and, let's not forget, the Von Trapp Family Singers. Let's ignore the dancing horses, too, even though Ellen totally thinks this is wild and crazy and might constitute animal cruelty. But, since we're skipping all of that we'll go ahead and get it out of the way that Austria the home of Hitler, Schwarzenegger, Mozart, and Porsche, which really shows that you can grow up to be anything that you want to kiddos.

haha! horses!

In asinine trivia, there's a tiny town of barely more than a hundred people that's named "Fucking", which is a beautiful name for a town. The road signs get stolen ALL the time by tourists. And, while you're touring, you can visit the Museum of Contraception and Abortion, and the Museum of Esperanto, as well.

water, snow, mountains, charm... it's everything asheville aspires to be!

You know what else Austria is home to? PEZ! This dude invented PEZ in the late 20's as a smoking alternative, targeting it toward adults. The dispenser was made to look like a lighter, too. They were originally minty, hence the name which is short for the German word for peppermint.

come on baby, light my fire.

Now that we know all about Austria, it's time to tune in to Soundportal, a net radio station based out of Graz. Back in 2001, Ellen was scheduled to do an exchange with another high schooler from Graz. But, September 11th happened, every parent in the world freaked out, and now she only has a story of how should could have gone to Graz and listened to pirate radio. She might still be bitter. 


Any way, you should tune in and enjoy! We've already heard some Metallica and some sweet pop tunes!

Soundportal - Netradio

Listen Here 

(Press the play button and take a deep breath. Now, let it out. It should be playing by now.)

.

Liberia - Apropro for MLK Day

So, what did y'all think of Armenia? It was OK-ish... there sure was a lot of American pop music.

On this glorious MLK Day, let's tune in to Liberia!

Ellen is really bad with African geography. There are just so many countries!

Just to get you warmed up, here is a gratuitous Michael Jackson video. We lost you too soon, MJ. Too soon.

With that out of the way, Liberia (which means "Land of the Free") was founded by freed American slaves. A bunch of (mostly) Quakers started this group called the American Colonization Society, and their mission was to transport freed slaves back to the African continent where it was thought they could live better lives.

At the time (approx 1820), many abolitionists, including Abe Lincoln while he was a sitting president, thought emigration was the best option for freed slaves. They thought American society would never accept them. It's taken a very, very long time, and the good lord knows we aren't there yet. Anyway, the American Colonization Society was actively transporting freed slaves to Sierra Leone. In 1821 or so, they founded the colony of Liberia in nearby territory which became an independent republic a few decades later. 

how many pop culture references can we stretch in today's post?

There was friction with the indigenous population. Raise your hand if you're surprised. And, that conflict echoes among their descendants today. The colonists named their capital Monrovia after former president James Monroe, who'd been a large supporter. Pinky has always loved the name Monrovia. He used to go out to Monrovia, Maryland every now and then on business. It's such a pretty name. Ellen grew up next door to Mr. Monroe's hometown and loves to see Virginians in the world!

although not the most formidable of presidents from virginia, he decidedly better than all of the ones from texas. oooo, burnnn!

OK, we hate to skip so much, but let's move on up the timeline. So, there was a pretty successful American-emulated democratic rule up through the 20th century. In 1980, a coup was enacted by a guy named Samuel Kanyon Doe. Over the next decade, repression tightened and the political climate became heated enough to cause a civil war in 1989.

we know a bunch of tiny white girls who would kill for those glasses. fucking hipsters.

Charles Taylor, a former government minister, established himself as a warlord, and with the backing of Libyan dictator Muammar al-Gaddafi (who Ellen thinks looks like Fred Armisen), led an insurgency that eventually toppled the government. Taylor and his men tortured Doe to death. Taylor was elected president in '97. His slogan was "He killed my ma, he killed my pa, but I will vote for him." Daaaaaaaaaaaamn... Everyone voted for him 'cause they figured if they didn't, he'd resume the war. They were probably right. 

  

that's fred in the middle. dead ringer for muammar al-gaddafi.

Taylor did all of the dictatorial shit you'd expect: child soldiers, diamond smuggling (supposedly giving some to Naomi Campbell), backing (and allegedly directing) a nasty rebel movement in the Sierra Leone Civil War, and plenty of civilian atrocities. The complete and utter disfunction of his government led to another civil war in '99 and lasting until 2003 when Taylor was forced to resign.

campbell, taylor, and... desmond tutu?! what are you doing up in this mess?

A women's peace movement was instrumental in his deposition, forcing peace talks and creating an atmosphere for Ellen Johnson Sirleaf to become the modern, elected female head of state in Africa. Taylor has since been charged with all sorts of war crimes and crimes against humanity and is on trial in the Hague.

yay! ladies in charge! in gold lame!

One of the most interesting stories to emerge from Taylor's rule is that of his son, Chuckie. He was raised by his mom in America until he was 17 and then went to live with his dad in Liberia during the Civil War. He became head of the "Anti-terrorist unit," which was a notoriously violent. When his personal chauffeur dented his car, he ordered him beaten "till you see bones and shit." We find that particularly chilling. "Bones and shit." It's such an offhanded comment. Imagine being a kid, finding out your dad is a warlord, going over and helping him take over a country, and then torturing a nation. We're sure Freud would have something to say about all of this. Rolling Stone did a fascinating article on Chukie Taylor a while back. It's really good.

Today, Liberia is a stable democracy and, under the leadership of Ms. Sirleaf, they're rebuilding their country in a transparent, cooperative manner, admirably addressing and repairing their country's problems and deep wounds.

So, that is a lot of heavy for MLK Day. We hope you find a moment to reflect on your freedoms and remember from whence they came. Can we get an amen?

Ok, let's tune in. This seems like a great station. Hope you enjoy it!

Radio Lib

.

Bostwana - Gangsta Gaborone

Belgium? Smellgium! Na, just kiddin'. That station was alright. Not great, but alright. 


You doin' anything right about now other than eating week old pumpkin bread? Wanna go to Botswana? Great! Let's get going!

we'll meet you there! best get going!

When South Africa was formed in 1910, they expected Britain to tack on the territories that are now Lesotho, Swaziland, and Botswana. Britain was all "yeah, we'll get around to it." But, as those Brits so often are, they were non-committal and never did. There is more to it then that of course, but that's the abridged version. When South African apartheid and their ensuing abdication from the Commonwealth rolled around, South Africa lost all claim to Botswana, who was kept under British control of until the mid-60's, when the Botswana established independence.

zebras?! on your coat of arms?! it's perfection!

Massive diamond deposits were found shortly afterwards and Botswana remains the world's largest diamond producer to this day (1st in value, 2nd in volume.) Nice coincidence, huh? More than that though, they've had FANTASTIC governance. With smart macroeconomic policies and economic development, they've made their country a shining example for all of Africa. At indepedence, GDP per capita was $70. Today it's about $14,000. It went from one of the poorest countries in the world to a middle-income nation, square with Argentina and Chile. It's rated as the best credit risk in Africa, and though diamonds are an essential part of their economy, they still account for only 1/3 of GDP. Tourism, industrial, finance, and agriculture make up the majority of the rest. 

Good governance is the reason Botswana is in the position it's in today. No other African nation has done as much to preserve their democracy, and it seems that it's the only mainland African country to not have had a civil conflict since their independence. That's something to be proud of. America can't even say that!

Not all is well and good in Botswanna though. They have one of the highest HIV/AIDS infection rates in the world. Almost a quarter of their population has has HIV/AIDS. Their government is doing everything that it can to combat the problem, and HIV/AIDS drugs are provided free to all citizens. They have the best, most comprehensive HIV/AIDS program in all of Africa.

just remember: condomise.

With nearly 85% of their country as desert and because they are landlocked, water is pretty valuable in Botswana, so much so that they named their currency "Pula", which translates to water! It is home to the world's largest inland delta though. Only .065% of their land is arable. Dang! In a country the size of Texas, they can only grow food on about half a percent of their land... Drought and desertification are big problems there.

zebras on everything! love it!

Botswanna is also home to the Tsodilo Hills, a place known and visited by humans for about 100,000 years. Holy shit... that's a long time. There are about 4,500 cave paintings there, HUGE stone sculptures, plenty of evidence of ritual, and fascinating creation stories. Look it up if you get a moment. It's worth it.

sadly, no zebras here.

OK, let's tune in to the capital city of Botswana, Gaborone, and enjoy some sub-Saharan rap!

Yarona FM

There is a big play button near the top. You can't miss it!

.

Belgium - We Finally Embed!

You guys have fun in Trinidad and Tobago? If it weren't for the DJ's it would've been good. What is it with horrible intrusive DJ's in the Caribbean?

OK, let's hop across the Atlantic and visit Belgium!

Ellen always gets Belgium mixed up with The Netherlands. So much for being a genius mastermind.

Pinky bought some tulip bulbs there once and brought them all the way back to the US in his luggage (which was/is probably totally illegal now that we think about it), but then he forgot to plant them. They hung on the wall forever and then got tossed in a corner and turned into this slimy mass of plant matter in the garage. Pinky really should have been a better steward. And, in his defense, he was 16 and folks don't really care about tulips all that much at that age. Now someone is gonna make a two-lips joke and we'll all laugh. Hahahahaha! Ok, shut up.

So, Belgium is famous for beer, chocolate, waffles, and french fries. We have compiled a small photo tribute to our more favorite famous Belgian items:

Uhhhhh, those last two are totally American... but are the only way most Americans experience Belgian delicacies. We're not proud.

Aaaaaanyway, here's a Belgian oldies station. There's no way they'll play Katy Perry, right? Right?! And, in case you forgot... w.e. h.a.t.e. k.a.t.y. p.e.r.r.y.

See you all on Monday!

PS: This embedded player isn't working. Boo. Try THIS!

Trinidad and Tobago - Spicy San Fernando

Oh, hey! Whatcha doin? Just trying to figure out what to name your new Beta fish while waiting to get your circuit breaker reset because you tripped it into oblivion with a space heater? Yeah, us, too.

Djibouti was hit and miss on Tuesday, so do y'all wanna go to Trinidad and Tobago today? We're gearing up for more nasty weather and this should be the perfect cure!

you can just imagine those folks to be ellen and pinky having an underwater tea party. not THE tea party. ok, you can imagine that those folks are ellen and pinky holding the tea party under water.

So, let's get a little oriented. Trinidad and Tobago are located in North America, but actually sit just off the coast of Venezuela in South America. Trinidad and Tobago consist of two islands, the southernmost of the Caribbean islands, and is the home of the steel drum, the limbo dance, calypso music, the largest specimen of brain coral in the world, and was the fictional location of both Treasure Island and Robinson Crusoe.

When Pinky was a kid, he used to listen to an old steel drum record of calypso music from the islands. He loved it. He used to play it constantly. His parents must have the patience of Job. He's hoping we'll get some similar stuff today.

the implied cacophony is deafening! 

Trinidad and Tobago were first settled about 7,000 years ago, the first in the Caribbean. We couldn't find much in the way of pre-Columbian history, so let's just fast forward a few thousand years to 1492, when Columbus landed in late July. Settlements were set up in the early 1500's, and a long history of settlements, slavery, plantation farming, and lots and lots of fighting ensued. Especially on Tobago. Tobago has changed hands around 30 times, more than any other Caribbean island. The English finally took hold in the early 1800's and kept it as a colony until independence in 1962.

i feel the small pox coming on...

They've been pumping oil since the early 1900's, making it one of the richest colonies in the British empire. Those petro-dollars and a location outside the hurricane belt have helped them in modern times to build a pretty strong nation. They're able to provide free education for there citizens from kindergarten all the way up through university!

Anyway, let's tune in and find out what the Trinbagonians are listening to! Don't forget your sunscreen!

WACK Radio

Listen Here - watch out! They're culture krazy!

Tonga - It's So Nice in Nuku´alofa

Dig that Icelandic station, huh? It's totally a super good one. Maybe even one of our favorites!

OK, we've had enough of this 5° F windchill, let's head back to Polynesia and visit Tonga today!

yup, those tiny green dots!

Known as "The Friendly Islands" Tonga was the only Polynesian kingdom to resist colonial pressures during that era and remain independent. It did allow itself to become a British protectorate in 1900, and then joined the Commonwealth of Nations in 1970. They've held onto their monarchy all along, though, and take great pride in that fact. They are currently transitioning to a constitutional monarchy. Their first elections were held earlier this year.

oh hey King George Topou V and PM Feleti Sevele. what's up? y'all look like fun!

OK, with the boring stuff out of the way, we can get on with the trivia! You'll rarely see folks skimpily dressed in Tonga as it's against the law. Even when swimming, folks keep their shirts on. Weird, huh? We think that's totally counterproductive to the cooling principles of swimming. Also, Tongan women are supposed to be really good jugglers. That's a nice talent to be expected to have. Tongans also play "lafo", which is a miniature version of shuffleboard played with seeds. The international date line loops around the islands, so foreigners are often a bit discombobulated as to what day it actually is. Also, guns are illegal and the national rugby team does a war dance before each match, which is a totally rad thing to do. You can see them (Red) dance off against the New Zealand team (Black) here:

This station has just a short little playlist for us, so feel free to bump back over to one of our previous stations when it's completed. We suggest Lebanon and Oman! Even though it won't be long, we will get a nice little auditory glimpse of Tongan music. We're so excited about our subtropical escape to the capital city of Nuku´alofa!

Tonga Radio

Listen Here

Obviously, pick the Tongan-Only-Music channel.

.

Iceland - Rockin' Reykjavík

So Panama would have been good, but those DJ's and their canned laughter significantly lowered their score.

Alrighty, this post was originally scheduled to go live on National Coming Out Day (10/11), but obviously we're about two months late (what else is new?). To honor (albeit belatedly) those who have been brave enough to come out out the closet, we're going to head over to Iceland, the only country with an openly LGBTQ head of state! Yay for Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir!!

go gettem, lady!

Pinky's ex-boyfriend stopped by there a year or two back. Our friends Mica and Colin went earlier this year, and Pinky's old roommate from Maryland went over with his horrible Rumpelstiltskin friend. You know, that half-French girl with the fake accent, distracting mole, clunky shoes, and unjustified air of superiority? We would not have wanted to be on that trip. Those two sucked.

this might be the only place in the world colder than Ellen's office!

Aaaaaaaanyway, Iceland was settled by the Vikings only about 1,000 years ago. They lived under the Norwegian and Danish crowns until the end of WWI. However, the independence process was well in motion before the war. Jared Diamond wrote a pretty interesting synopsis of their historical era in his book Collapse, which is worth a read if you've got the time.

oh my gawwwd!

Iceland is one of the most interesting cases of the recent economic crisis. They had built a pretty healthy economy based on fishing and farming, but in the mid-90's, they joined Norway, Switzerland, and Liechtenstein in the European Free Trade Association, which allowed them to join the European market without EU membership. Iceland was then able to expand beyond their traditional industries without being politically tethered to Europe, and they spawned these wonder-boy banks that shot their GDP through the roof. Unfortunately, a lot of those loans were shady, and they sure had made a lot of them. These banks' debt was about 6 times the GDP of Iceland! Because their debt was so high, when the crisis hit, Iceland's central bank couldn't guarantee them, and the shit hit the fan. Without EU membership, there was no one set up to bail them out, and they had to go begging to the IMF and a handful of European countries. There was a ton of red tape and lots of strings attached, but they staved off complete collapse. Not to imply that their economy isn't fucked, just that they haven't needed to resort to cannibalism.

oh my gawd.

The government was essentially replaced under public pressure. A lot of banking executives and high government officials are facing criminal charges. Iceland has a huge debt shackled to its feet. But since Iceland's population is comparable to that of Toledo, OH, we're talking about a debt that comes out to $160,000 a person. This wouldn't be too scary for a developed nation, but that $160,000 is just from the crisis and does not include current sovereign debt. In comparison, the American bank bailout would have cost us each about $2,300, but the banks have already repaid the majority of their bailout.

ohhhhhhh my god.

This sucks because Iceland was a really cool case study with an interesting tax structure and a burgeoning service economy, but because of the work of just a handful of people, a thousand years of a conservative life style was shirked and they fucked over the entire country. The rest of the population has voted not to pay the debts back, because they had nothing to do with it. Of course, you can argue that they benefited from the GDP increase during the financial heydays and certainly from the prevention of national collapse, but they're still pissed, and the decision is theirs alone. Not ours. The credit markets will certainly make their opinion known.

OK, so today we're in the capital city of Reykjavík. We don't have a lot to say about the city other than it's name is one of Ellen's most favorite words to say. You're totally going to love this station! It's got some hard rock, straight up pop, Christmas music (for those of you who celebrate as such), Icelandic news, and general awesome-ness. Have fun in the great white north, y'all! 

Ras2

There is a big play button in the middle of the page that you cannot miss!

.