São Tomé and Principe - What a Steal!

Whoa. So, Turkmenistan was great! Who expected that?! Ellen liked how there were covers of English language songs - like when DJ Begga covered Sean Paul's Get Busy. Even the video is an homage to Sean Paul. Here are links to both videos for reasons of comparison. Ellen is now totally in love with all the skinny boys in Turkmenistan.

Begmyrat Annamyradow's (aka DJ Begga)   Şekero

Sean Paul's   Get Busy

OK, let's head back to the Gulf of Guinea and visit São Tomé and Principe!

Gotta admit, this is another nation we weren't aware of, but it seems to be a pretty great place to hang out and holy crap is this radio station good!

you have to squint to see it

Uninhabited until the Portuguese showed up around the 1470's, São Tomé and Principe was soon settled by Portuguese who were "undesirable" back home (read: Jewish folks.) They found out that sugar grew pretty well and began importing slaves to work the plantations. Within 60 years, they were Africa's largest sugar exporters - outta those tiny little islands! Who'd have thought? From just about 600 sq. miles of land! That's half the size of Rhode Island! And, only about 8% of that land is arable!

The equator crosses the São Tomé and Principe on Ilheu das Rolas

Sugar production proved easier in the New World though, and the competition hurt São Tomé and Principe to the point that they ended up transitioning their economy to become a slave trade transit point. That went pretty well for awhile, and by the time that the slaving industry was slowing down, they found out that cocoa grew pretty well there. By the early 1900's, they'd become the world's largest producer. Slavery had been abolished by then, but nasty labor practices continued well into the 20th century, culminating in riots in the mid-50's where hundreds were killed by the Portuguese.

mmm... palm trees!

An independence movement began fomenting around this time as well. And, by the mid-1970's São Tomé  and Principe achieved it. Politics haven't been all that smooth, a trend we're starting to see. Democratic reforms weren't instituted until the late 1980's. There's been plenty of leadership wrangling and two failed coup attempts. Their economy is still pretty dependent on cocoa, with little diversification, but recent oil explorations are promising. And, they're concentrating on developing their very promising - but fledgling - tourist industry.

holy shit! that stamp has dinos on it! we're in love!

Well, with a population comparable to Boise, Idaho, it looks like we're going to have to listen to a signal-boosted Afro-centric Portuguese station. But! This is a really, really good one! 


Enjoy your time in São Tomé and Principe - don't get too toasty there on the equator! And, we'll see y'all on Monday!

RTP

Listen Here

.

Turkmenistan - Aces for Aşgabat

Enjoy your time in the UAE? Me too.

Ok, let's tune into Turkmenistan today!

it's there, in the red.

Ok, first off, Turkmenistan is home to "THE DOOR TO HELL"!!! Forty years ago, some geologists were drilling and accidentally hit an underground cavern of natural gas. The rig fell in, and to avoid poisonous gas discharge, they lit the sucker up and it's been burning ever since. It's just a giant, flaming pit. You should look it up. No, seriously, you've got to see this.

yup, those are people standing on the edge.

Ok, let's talk about Saparmurat Niyazov, the recently deceased, bat-shit crazy "President for Life" that ruled from 1990-2006. He was one of the world's most kleptocratic, repressive, totalitarian dictators, and is thought to have squirreled away about 3 billion dollars. Yes, billion. Woah. 

He also did hilariously egotistical things like renaming the months after his family members and changing the word for bread to his mother's name. Plus, there was a meteorite involved. He named it after himself. He had tons of statues erected of himself, some of them solid gold! There's a giant, 40 foot tall, gold plated one in the capital city of Aşgabat that rotates to follow the path of the sun. They've moved it since he died, but it's still around. He also shut down all hospitals outside the capitol, reasoning that the sick could just come to Aşgabat. Plus, he shut all of the libraries outside the capitol as well saying that rural people don't read and if they do the Qu'ran and his book, Ruhnama, were the only books they needed. His book is required reading for everyone in Turkmenistan, and during his reign, it was the primary textbook used in schools.

wonder if he ever considered becoming a Solid Gold dancer?

Let's see... what else? Ah, yes! The ice palace! So Turkmenistan is 80% desert, and befitting that climate, Niyazov requested that an ice palace be built near the capital to celebrate his reign. What the fuck? It was never built, but still. He also had a giant cyprus forest planted in an attempt to change the desert climate. When he quit smoking, he banned smoking in public places, as well as chewing tobacco. He also outlawed gold teeth, suggesting that people should chew on bones to strengthen their teeth as he saw dogs do when he was younger. He also banned lip-synching, car radios, beards, and recorded music at weddings (probably for the best).

This has nothing to do with their crazy president. We just really dig this.

He also made the country fiercely insular, enacting a foreign policy of neutrality and limiting emigration. He even shortened compulsory education by a year so that students could not qualify to study abroad. What a dick.

So he's dead now, but criticism of Niyazov is still considered treason and is punishable by prison, sending you to a mental institution or exile. The new president, Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov, is slowly dismantling Niyazov's cult of personality and is building relations with the West, but it takes time y'all. Berdymukhammedov is a former dentist; we wonder what he has to say about the crewing on bones theory...

not Hilary's best photo, but what a nice flower arrangement.

Pinky had a bitch of a time finding a viable streaming radio station for this country, but we guess that could be expected with a country of 5 million that only has 75,000 internet users. This one is actually a series of playlists, and they're pretty good. You can choose from the mix, folk music and rap. And, they're updated daily! Enjoy!

TM Hits Radio

Don't forget to check out their blog! Or their Facebook! Or their Twitter! Or their YouTube! 

Whew - they sure are prolific folks.

.

UAE - Dancing in أبو ظبي

Did you have a good time in the Turks and Caicos? Pinky's favorite song was this ode to Caller ID, because "Who's calling me from ah unknown number? Gangster nuh answa nuh private call." Ain't that the truth. 

We've always wondered if the big shots get folks dialing the wrong number, and if so, do people realize it? If you accidentally call Bill Clinton's cell phone, is his voicemail set up so that it lets you know his identity or is it just the robot lady repeating the phone number you called? What if you have one digit different than him and folks keep calling you? That'd be fun for about two days.

Anyway, you guys wanna head over to the United Arab Emirates today?

It's hard to talk about the UAE (دولة الإمارات العربية المتحدة) today without talking about oil. When the pearl industry died out during the Great Depression (due to economic decline and the advent of the cultured pearl), there wasn't a whole lot going for the region. 

The disparate sheikdoms were allied to the British with treaties, who intervened to settle disputes between them. When oil was found in the early 60's, unification efforts quickly followed. However, it still took about 10 years to get everything in order for a union. And, right about the time their treaties with the British expired and they each became fully independent. Today they are seven monarchies overseen by a government they elect, though this president and prime minister are "essentially hereditary." 

Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque (مسجد الشيخ زايد)  eighth largest in the world!

When you compare the UAE to other Arab states, it's fairly liberal but that tends to happen when you have gobs and gobs of cash flowing in. People want to be able to do what they want with their money and when your GDP per capita is above even the United States, culture can be relaxed a little. Not to imply that it is in any way a bastion of human rights and liberal values, just that you can get an alcoholic drink if you want one. 

Yup. Those are man made islands in the shape of palm trees and the world. G.L.A.M!

You may not be able to drink as openly as in other cultures, but far more so than in Saudi Arabia or Iran. Women can drive, too. Sweet - Ellen loves a good drive. It's still got some old world laws though that more than a few Americans have found out. Lose that job in Dubai and can't pay the rent on your fancy apartment? Better just abandon your car in the airport parking lot and get the hell out of town before you land in debtors' prison. Want to drunkenly make out on the beach? Better think again, especially if y'all aren't married.

Abu Dhabi at night.

For all the glitz and glamor of Dubai and Abu Dhabi, there's a dark underbelly. While citizens have pretty good human rights protections, non-citizens get fucked over pretty regularly, especially since they make up about 80% of the UAE's population. Somebody has to build all those skyscrapers and be servants for those high income, non-taxed folks. Immigrant laborers from poverty-stricken areas in Southeast Asia and Northern Africa are more than happy to have those jobs. One could argue that human rights often lag behind economic development (as was the case with western economies), and that with the maturation of their society, the UAE will come to grant further protections to non-citizens, but such a statement in no way alleviates the fact that economic slavery is currently pervasive in the UAE.

Well, let's head on over to the home of the tallest building in the world, an interesting large-scale experiment in Islamic finance, and very, very cheap gas.

Abu Dhabi Radio

It should start playing automatically. But there is a tuner thingy on the top of the page that is pretty impossible to miss.

.