Turkmenistan - Aces for Aşgabat

Enjoy your time in the UAE? Me too.

Ok, let's tune into Turkmenistan today!

it's there, in the red.

Ok, first off, Turkmenistan is home to "THE DOOR TO HELL"!!! Forty years ago, some geologists were drilling and accidentally hit an underground cavern of natural gas. The rig fell in, and to avoid poisonous gas discharge, they lit the sucker up and it's been burning ever since. It's just a giant, flaming pit. You should look it up. No, seriously, you've got to see this.

yup, those are people standing on the edge.

Ok, let's talk about Saparmurat Niyazov, the recently deceased, bat-shit crazy "President for Life" that ruled from 1990-2006. He was one of the world's most kleptocratic, repressive, totalitarian dictators, and is thought to have squirreled away about 3 billion dollars. Yes, billion. Woah. 

He also did hilariously egotistical things like renaming the months after his family members and changing the word for bread to his mother's name. Plus, there was a meteorite involved. He named it after himself. He had tons of statues erected of himself, some of them solid gold! There's a giant, 40 foot tall, gold plated one in the capital city of Aşgabat that rotates to follow the path of the sun. They've moved it since he died, but it's still around. He also shut down all hospitals outside the capitol, reasoning that the sick could just come to Aşgabat. Plus, he shut all of the libraries outside the capitol as well saying that rural people don't read and if they do the Qu'ran and his book, Ruhnama, were the only books they needed. His book is required reading for everyone in Turkmenistan, and during his reign, it was the primary textbook used in schools.

wonder if he ever considered becoming a Solid Gold dancer?

Let's see... what else? Ah, yes! The ice palace! So Turkmenistan is 80% desert, and befitting that climate, Niyazov requested that an ice palace be built near the capital to celebrate his reign. What the fuck? It was never built, but still. He also had a giant cyprus forest planted in an attempt to change the desert climate. When he quit smoking, he banned smoking in public places, as well as chewing tobacco. He also outlawed gold teeth, suggesting that people should chew on bones to strengthen their teeth as he saw dogs do when he was younger. He also banned lip-synching, car radios, beards, and recorded music at weddings (probably for the best).

This has nothing to do with their crazy president. We just really dig this.

He also made the country fiercely insular, enacting a foreign policy of neutrality and limiting emigration. He even shortened compulsory education by a year so that students could not qualify to study abroad. What a dick.

So he's dead now, but criticism of Niyazov is still considered treason and is punishable by prison, sending you to a mental institution or exile. The new president, Gurbanguly Berdymukhammedov, is slowly dismantling Niyazov's cult of personality and is building relations with the West, but it takes time y'all. Berdymukhammedov is a former dentist; we wonder what he has to say about the crewing on bones theory...

not Hilary's best photo, but what a nice flower arrangement.

Pinky had a bitch of a time finding a viable streaming radio station for this country, but we guess that could be expected with a country of 5 million that only has 75,000 internet users. This one is actually a series of playlists, and they're pretty good. You can choose from the mix, folk music and rap. And, they're updated daily! Enjoy!

TM Hits Radio

Don't forget to check out their blog! Or their Facebook! Or their Twitter! Or their YouTube! 

Whew - they sure are prolific folks.

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UAE - Dancing in أبو ظبي

Did you have a good time in the Turks and Caicos? Pinky's favorite song was this ode to Caller ID, because "Who's calling me from ah unknown number? Gangster nuh answa nuh private call." Ain't that the truth. 

We've always wondered if the big shots get folks dialing the wrong number, and if so, do people realize it? If you accidentally call Bill Clinton's cell phone, is his voicemail set up so that it lets you know his identity or is it just the robot lady repeating the phone number you called? What if you have one digit different than him and folks keep calling you? That'd be fun for about two days.

Anyway, you guys wanna head over to the United Arab Emirates today?

It's hard to talk about the UAE (دولة الإمارات العربية المتحدة) today without talking about oil. When the pearl industry died out during the Great Depression (due to economic decline and the advent of the cultured pearl), there wasn't a whole lot going for the region. 

The disparate sheikdoms were allied to the British with treaties, who intervened to settle disputes between them. When oil was found in the early 60's, unification efforts quickly followed. However, it still took about 10 years to get everything in order for a union. And, right about the time their treaties with the British expired and they each became fully independent. Today they are seven monarchies overseen by a government they elect, though this president and prime minister are "essentially hereditary." 

Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque (مسجد الشيخ زايد)  eighth largest in the world!

When you compare the UAE to other Arab states, it's fairly liberal but that tends to happen when you have gobs and gobs of cash flowing in. People want to be able to do what they want with their money and when your GDP per capita is above even the United States, culture can be relaxed a little. Not to imply that it is in any way a bastion of human rights and liberal values, just that you can get an alcoholic drink if you want one. 

Yup. Those are man made islands in the shape of palm trees and the world. G.L.A.M!

You may not be able to drink as openly as in other cultures, but far more so than in Saudi Arabia or Iran. Women can drive, too. Sweet - Ellen loves a good drive. It's still got some old world laws though that more than a few Americans have found out. Lose that job in Dubai and can't pay the rent on your fancy apartment? Better just abandon your car in the airport parking lot and get the hell out of town before you land in debtors' prison. Want to drunkenly make out on the beach? Better think again, especially if y'all aren't married.

Abu Dhabi at night.

For all the glitz and glamor of Dubai and Abu Dhabi, there's a dark underbelly. While citizens have pretty good human rights protections, non-citizens get fucked over pretty regularly, especially since they make up about 80% of the UAE's population. Somebody has to build all those skyscrapers and be servants for those high income, non-taxed folks. Immigrant laborers from poverty-stricken areas in Southeast Asia and Northern Africa are more than happy to have those jobs. One could argue that human rights often lag behind economic development (as was the case with western economies), and that with the maturation of their society, the UAE will come to grant further protections to non-citizens, but such a statement in no way alleviates the fact that economic slavery is currently pervasive in the UAE.

Well, let's head on over to the home of the tallest building in the world, an interesting large-scale experiment in Islamic finance, and very, very cheap gas.

Abu Dhabi Radio

It should start playing automatically. But there is a tuner thingy on the top of the page that is pretty impossible to miss.

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Turks and Caicos - Getting Down on Grand Turk

Well, what did y'all think of the Netherlands? Yeah, agreed, it was ok-ish. There's only so much good that Euro-Pop can do.

Let's head to the Turks and Caicos Islands today! 

Whoa. Just looking at this map makes us realize that we have so many more countries to go!

Pinky's sister and her new husband were going to head down there recently for their honeymoon, but they were expecting bad weather down there all week, so they utilized their travel insurance and headed to Hawaii instead. Good thing bad weather doesn't frighten us!

Like many other Caribbean islands, the indigenous population, in this case the Taínos and Lucayans tribes, were enslaved with the arrival of Europeans. When the Europeans started to run low on people to enslave on the Island of Hispaniola (Dominican Republic and Haiti today), they raided the Turks and Caicos islands for labor for their plantations. The islands were almost completely depopulated over a span of about 20 years. And, aside from the odd pirate hang-out these islands remains basically uninhabited for another 150 years.

And, here's the fateful moment where they all simultaneously contract small pox and die, before being turned into slave labor, that is.

They were knocked around between the French, British, and Spanish rule, but no one entity ever built any permanent settlements. After the American Revolution, British loyalists fled the States (and good riddance to them) and flooded the Caribbean. The first real settlements were built in the Turks and Caicos by carpetbagging ex-pat Brits. Soon after, the islands were annexed by the British as part of the Bahamas. They were put under the stewardship of the Jamaican colony for a good long while, and when Jamaica was granted independence in the 60's, the Turks and Caicos became a Crown Colony themselves. Check out this nifty timeline to help you place important dates in Turks and Caicos history, including the arrival of Jojo the dolphin.

Since the late 1970's there's been a good deal of talk about shacking up with Canada or achieving independence themselves, but governmental changes have prevented it from occurring. Here's the juicy part though, last year the UK suspended them from self-governance, as there was a lot of evidence of systemic corruption (like selling government land for personal gain). Plus an American woman accused the Premier of sexually assaulting her. After that nifty trick the Crown dissolved the position of premier until a new sovereign government can be elected (by next year at the latest.) Yikes. Talk about a bad performance review.

Let's tune in and see what they're up to down there. I sure hope we get to hear some of their distinctive Ripsaw music!

So! Grab your shades, sun block, and your favorite conch and let's head to the city of Grand Turk kick back to the tunes of RTC!

Radio Turks and Caicos

**even though the site is "down" for maintenance, you can still listen my selecting one of their audio streams!**

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